Archive for the ‘Jokes’ Category

Corny Jokes

Tuesday, September 16th, 2014

Q: Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
A: Because they were too corny!

Q: Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?
A: Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.

Q: How is an ear of corn like an army?
A: It has lots of kernels.

Q: What does Baby Corn call his father?
A: “Pop” corn.

Q: When is a corn like a quiz?
A: When it is popped.

Dog Days of Summer Jokes

Monday, June 16th, 2014

I know that officially, summer doesn’t start for a few days, but we are expecting a heat wave, so I figured it would be a good time for a few jokes related to the dog days of summer…

Q: What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
A: You have to be careful not to step on a poodle.

Q: What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
A: Hailing taxis!

Q: What animal keeps the best time?
A: A watch dog!

Q: What type of markets do dogs avoid?
A: Flea markets!

Q: What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
A: Ruff!

Q: What happened to the dog that gave birth to puppies at the side of the road?
A: She got a ticket for littering!

School Jokes

Wednesday, May 14th, 2014

School Jokes: School is almost out, but there is always time for a few jokes about school.

Q: Why was the math book sad?
A: It had too many problems.

Q: What is a farmer’s favorite math tool?
A: A COWculator!

Q: What is the only class you can plant a flower in?
A: Kindergarden!

Q: What’s a pencil’s favorite place?
A: Pencilvania!

Q: What do you call a cylinder after it graduates from school?
A: A graduated cylinder.

Q: Why did the boy eat his homework?
A: Beacuse his teacher told him it was a piece of cake!

Animal Jokes

Tuesday, April 15th, 2014

Looks like I haven’t posted new jokes for a while… These are NOT my jokes, they are jokes I collected from the Internet and other sources over the years. It is fun to have a few jokes to tell related to the designs the kids request, current weather, upcoming holidays, or the back to school season. The following jokes are all about animals.

Collection of Balloons

Collection of Balloons

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk!

Q: What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A: A dinoSNORE.

Q: Why did the spider go on the internet?
A: To make a Webpage.

Q: What is a balloon snake’s favourite subject?
A: Hissss-tory!

Q: What happened when two frogs went after the same fly?
A: They became tongue-tied!

Q: What did the frog do when his car broke down?
A: He got toad.

Good, clean jokes

Monday, June 18th, 2012

If you want to tell jokes to kids, tell clean jokes. Here are some summer related jokes related to the summer I recently collected from various sources.

Q. What is green and goes to a summer camp?
A. A Brussels’ scout.

Q. Why do melons have fancy weddings?
A. Because they cantaloupe.

Q. What do you call a country where the people drive only pink cars?
A. A pink carnation.

Q. What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A. A rash of good luck.

Q. What do you call it when worms take over the world?
A. Global Worming.

Q. Why are frogs always happy?
A. Because they eat whatever bugs them!

Q. What do you use to cut an ocean’s waves?
A. A sea-saw!

Q. Why is the little ant always confused?
A. Because all his uncles are ants.

Winter Jokes

Friday, December 30th, 2011
Balloon Penguin

Balloon Penguin

Here are some good, clean jokes about winter and snow.

Q. How do Penguins drink their cola?
A. On the rocks.

Q. Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A. Because it’s too far to walk.

Q. What happens when skiers get old?
A. They go downhill.

Q. What is the best hockey team in the universe?
A. The All-Stars

Q. What can you catch but never throw?
A. A cold.

Q. What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
A. Snow and Tell.

Q. What do snowmen eat for lunch?
A. Icebergers!

Q. What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark?
A. Frost bite !

Q. Why did the cross-country skier wear only one boot?
A. Because he heard the snow was one foot deep.

Christmas Holiday Jokes

Monday, December 19th, 2011
Sir Toony Van Dukes

Sir Toony Van Dukes at the North Pole for a charity event

Q. Why is it so cold at Christmas?
A. Because it’s in Decembrrrr!

Q. What do snowmen wear on their heads?
A. Ice caps.

Q. What do you call a party for snowmen?
A. A Snowball!

Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?
A. In a snow bank.

Q. What do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
A. Freeze a jolly good fellow!

Q. What’s the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A. A list of everything you want!

Q. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A. So he can ho-ho-ho.

Thanksgiving Jokes

Thursday, November 17th, 2011

Since Thanksgiving is just one week away, it is time to pull out your favorite Thanksgiving and Turkey Jokes. Don’t have any, well here are a few of mine…

Q: Why do turkeys always go, “gobble, gobble”?
A: Because they never learned good table manners!

Q: Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?
A: The turkey because he’s already stuffed!

Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
A: The outside!

Q: What are the feathers on a turkey’s wings called?
A: Turkey feathers.

Q: Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Yes – a building can’t jump at all.

Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A: Because he had the drumsticks.

Q: Why didn’t the Pilgrim want to make the bread?
A: It’s a crummy job

Q: Why did the police arrest the turkey?
A: They suspected it of fowl play!

Monkey Jokes

Wednesday, August 24th, 2011

Monkey balloon

Q: What do you do with a blue monkey?
A: Cheer it up!

Q: What did the banana say to the monkey?
A: Nothing. Bananas don’t talk!

Q. What is smarter than a talking monkey?
A. A spelling bee!

Q. What side of a monkey has more hair?
A. The outside.

Q. What do you call a Monkey in a tree?
A. A Branch Manager!!!

Dog Jokes

Monday, June 13th, 2011

Here are some more jokes… this time they are about dogs, one of the more popular balloon and face painting designs.

Dog face painting

Q. What is the difference between a dog and a marine scientist?
A. One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.

Q. What kind of dog likes to hang around scientists?
A. A laboratory retriever

Q. What is a dog’s favorite soda?
A. Pupsi-cola.

Q. Why did the dog see the doctor?
A. Because a stitch in time saves canine.

Q. What do you tell young dogs when they make too much noise?
A. Hush puppies!

Q. Why are dogs bad dancers?
A. Because they have two left feet.

Q. Why are dogs like hamburgers?
A. They are both sold by the pound.

Q. What kind of dog tells time?
A. A watch dog.

Q. What is smarter than a talking dog?
A. A spelling bee.

Q. What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
A. He stole the show.

Q. Why did the dog have to go to court?
A. Because he had a barking ticket.

Q. What are a dog’s clothes made of?
A. Mutt-erial.

Q. What do dogs put on their pizza?
A. Mutts-arella

Q. What has 400 teeth and says, “Beware of dog?”
A. A picket fence with a sign on it.